Officially scared for life

No matter how much I try to tell myself,
That I'll do fine..
Things will be okay..
And I just havta hold on..
One month to go..

I am feeling weaker as the day passes by..
Trying to persuade myself that I like what I am doing,

That something will come out from it..

For things do happen for a reason..

But do things really do happen for a reason?

I begin to wonder..

I've tried to..
Divert my thoughts from thinking that I am screwing things up for myself..
Instead of focusing on what are my abilities,
Knowing very well what my potentials are..
Steering myself away from my interest,
Afraid of being carried away with it..
But one true fact,
That I can't stop repeating to myself...
That I am not doing what is right for myself,
And I want them all disappear from my sight this very moment..
For the day will come..
That I'll finally am doing what I truly am passionate about,
Instead of having to wait for the day that might never comes..
Why oh why ain't I defaint about it before this?
Why oh why don't I have the courage to follow my instincts?
Why oh why can't realization hits me before I make such mistakes?
I am officially scarred for life.
One month to go..
And I am still holding on..
I need strength..
For I think I am about to dissolve into thin air anytime soon.