But what comes next is the deafening silence.
Nobody informed me about that.
So when Vicky is gone, all that is left is the emptiness and silence at home.
Someone is missing,
Since he has to go to the better place.
At least that is what I wholeheartedly hope and wish.
Vicky has bring me so much joy throughout the years.
I remember how hard I've worked and how long it took to persuade my father to get me a four legged companion.
I was elated (more than elated) when my father finally caved in and got me one.
I still remember vividly when I first saw him at the breeder.
It was such a mischievous cheeky little thing.
My mother said, "That one looks energetic. I think you should pick him."
He was the dog who wouldn't sit still for you to pat it as it is ALWAYS up to something.
From the day I brought him home, I know his middle name is trouble.
My high school friends had a heck of time running away from his ferocious way.
He met the high school sweetheart and attacked the person as he doesn't like the person.
Sends some bad signal there obviously.
Then he met the first lover.
And he fell heads over heels for him as he tailed him everywhere he went.
Giving him that look as if to say "Please please pat me, pretty please."
He sends some good signal there.
He met the ones who betrayed me and attacked them.
He knows what is best for me before I even realized it myself.
He WAs my ultimate companion, my protector, and my family.
For the past 9 years plus, he was the first one I bid good morning to and last one I bid goodnight to.
Most of all, the first name I call when I am home.
"Vicky I am homeeee." That's how it'll go everyday.
During the times where I crammed for my finals, he was there to keep me company.
He was there waiting for me to get back home from a long day and from a trip.
Sometimes when he was being ignored by me just because I was too caught up with my life,
He will wait for me to get back to him.
He spent his life waiting for me to get home, waiting for me to come back to me, and waiting for me to love him.
I love him with all my heart.
I am always busy but I know I can come back to him and he'll be there.
And it broke my heart whenever he got sick.
I didn't expect this day to come.
I know he's old.
I even joke about him being old.
I even noticed that he can't walk far anymore.
And he spent more time sleeping since he gets tired easily.
One day when he stopped eating.
We thought perhaps he'll get better soon.
Two days passed and he's still not really eating.
We got concerned.
Brought him to the vet, took his medication.
He still didn't recover.
Still wasn't eating.
Went to a different vet.
Did a blood test.
Found out that he has a kidney failure.
Vet said he doesn't have much time left.
He couldn't recover anymore.
That is when I began to try to grasp the idea of losing him.
It was a bitter reality and it still is.
During his last moments,
We were there.
He held on although he needs to go.
He held on so we could say goodbye to him
Then he left.
He left forever.
I told him, that I'll see him again one day.
Somewhere in that better place or anywhere.
At least that give me a sense of comfort.
Today is the first day since he left.
He left yesterday noon (12 ish).
I came back home to the deafening silence.
I woke up to the deafening silence.
I didn't know grief feels this way.
For I know death is part of life.
Only thing I know is that I have not grieved for anyone before him.
So this hit me hard.
So hard.
Vicky taught me how to love unconditionally (as cliche as it may sound).
He taught me to always come back because he will be there.
In his ways he told me not to leave.
I will never leave him.
He taught me to be patient.
Most of all, he taught me to appreciate what I have.
I really miss you, Vicky.
But we will be fine here.
Go to the better place.
Because I hope to see you there one day.
I love you.
"Such short little lives our pets have to spend with us, and they spend most of it waiting for us to come home each day." (John Grogan)
25.1.14
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