Sometimes

Sometimes you come to a point where you began to lose track of what you want to fulfill at a certain age. Given the boundaries in front of you, controlling parents who are skeptical about your abilities, and things made tougher for you when you are have people who kept pulling you down when you are trying to venture out from your comfort zone. People telling you that you can't do this and that despite of the many possibilities out there. You went about searching for it, but the harder you search for it, the more you lose sight of it. It makes you question about yourself, your perspective, and whether you should just follow the norms and ditch your "big plans" for yourself with all the restrictions given to you.

You have people who ask you to wait for the right time, but the right time never seem to arrive. You have people who ask you to wait, but how long more you should wait. For the longer you wait, the more confuse you get. And being static, isn't pleasant at all. Being static is like having no directions and not knowing is there's something ahead for you to anticipate it. It's living in a shallow dark planet and wondering if you'll ever see the light. You are told that you'll be guided by someone older than you since you don't know better and it's better to choose the safer option by adhering to what have been told to you by the adults which means not allowing your thirst of discovering something when you have the passion for that area. And soon enough, passion fades, replaced by monotony of life.

If it's not for the best friend, my mind wouldn't be on track anymore. It's not being idealistic, but it's having ambition and the thirst for knowledge. The thirst for new experience. I miss having lecturers who will suggest reading materials for you when you are interested in that field and I also miss having lecturers who are more than happy to discuss other issues with you instead of asking you to wait for the semester where you'll learn about that. It makes me wonder if the direction that I am choosing for myself is right for me. Parents thought they know better, but what they don't know is times have changed since their time.

Yes, it's very discouraging. And you consistently have to pick up the pieces and patch it together, move on, and keep searching.